Amidst the flurry of wedding preparations, a couple faces an unexpected and deeply personal issue. The groom-to-be is conflicted with his fiancée over her wish to include photos of her late husband in their wedding. She wants to honor her past, but he finds it hard to accept another man’s memory being part of their special day.
The man shared his story.My fiancée and I have been together for about 3 years. We got engaged 6 months ago. We were doing some planning, and she mentioned,“Where do you think ’late husband’s name’ pic could go?” I was confused and asked her to clarify.She said she wanted her late husband’s picture at the wedding, she went into more detail, at my request. She wants one of the bridesmaids to hold his picture during the ceremony. As well as having his pic on our table. And when taking pictures, she wants to hold him in most photos.
I told her that I didn’t want that, and while I understand he’s important to her, I’d feel uncomfortable with his pictures at our wedding, especially when they’re so prominent. We got into a fight, and she yelled, “I can’t believe you’re jealous! He’s dead!” I decided to postpone the wedding, and honestly, I’m thinking of calling it off all together. People made different suggestions, some even compared with their own experience.Having a memorial table for passed loved ones is one thing… but this is excessive and definitely shows she’s having some emotional struggles.At my wedding we had a single seat with a sign that said “we know you would be here today, if heaven weren’t so far away” and photos of our loved ones who had passed. Saving a seat for them was meaningful and made it feel like they were included in our wedding. Wanting a photo of late husband in something like this, alongside other late family members would be entirely appropriate.
But holding a photo, having the photo on the main table etc is just… no.My dad died suddenly 10 years ago and my step-mom and I both took it really hard. If my step-mom ever marries again, I would find it very strange if she insisted on having my dad’s picture there, the way OP’s fiancée is requesting. I don’t think OP’s fiancée is ready. Maybe she feels guilty for moving on and this somehow relieves her guilt?Widow here! I think this person has way more work to do on their grief journey before they’re ready for a new relationship, let alone a new marriage.I became a widow at 36. She aint ready. NTA. I suggest some therapy for her and both of you (like pre-marriage stuff).She’s still grieving a dead husband this outwardly, she is not ready. If it were a “Hey do you think we could do a memorial board with photos of family that cant make it because they’re not here? And would it be okay to put photo up to respect his memory too?” That’d be different, as its not just the dead husband being remembered. But to be this way? She needs greif counseling.Marriage is full of surprises, so it’s crucial to have honest conversations about key aspects of your past before tying the knot. This way, you won’t be caught off guard by unexpected secrets later on. Open dialogue helps build trust and understanding from the start.